7 Lessons I've Learned Living With Teenagers

When I was 22, (my husband 31), we took in my younger brother and sister into our home. While alot of people thought we were crazy - which, we WERE to be honest.



We had NO IDEA what we were doing!

My brother was 14 and sister was 16 at the time they came to live with us.

I'm not gonna lie.. the first year and a half were really rough. Everything was new and we couldn't find that "healthy balance" between "I'm your sister" or "I'm your guardian." It was hell honestly.

I was put in a situation where I could not truly be an older sister/friend to them. Instead I had to worry about them as if they were my own kids. They're NOT my kids but sometimes it sure does feel like it.

As a young child I was responsible for caring for their everyday needs which sometimes included cooking dinner, bathing them, and even staying home from school to take care of them when they were sick.

I tell you this not to pity me because honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a wonderful sisterly/friendly relationship with both my brother and sister now that they do no live with me anymore. I miss them and it's a big adjustment for our family - and we couldn't have done it without my husband who is the kindest most patient man I have ever met. I'm so thankful to have him as my best friend.

Living with teenagers is HARD.

It is no walk in the park... lemme tell ya.

Here are a few things I learned the hard way:

1. INVEST IN PAPER PLATES, CUPS, UTENSILS, etc.

Or you're going to be doing dishes forever.

2. HAVE YOUR TEEN DO THEIR OWN LAUNDRY.

If you don't - you'll be living in a pile of dirty socks, sweaty hockey shorts, etc. They should wash their own stanky clothes. :) However - as a loving gesture I would TRY to do some of it for them - only when I had time so as they wouldn't expect me to do it for them. 

3. STOCK UP ON FOOD.

Yes - that means buying a bunch of  healthy food AND junk food. They're growing like weeds so make sure that you have plenty of food at all times or they will whine "I'M HUNNNGGRYY" while cooking, and as a wife and mom that REALLY pushes my buttons.

4. BE THE FUN HOUSE!

This is so important! If you want to know who your kids friends are and who they're hanging aroung with, than make sure your home is comfortable and fun for them to be in. There's a healthy balance to this though - because it doesn't mean it's a free for all ... there has to be respect of whatever your house rules are but let them have fun, have the big tv, whatever it is that makes their friends comforable in your home - do it. You have to be the fun house if you want to know what is going on with your teen. This doesn't always help but certainly puts you in the right direction. AND if you are stocked up on food then their friends will naturally gravitate to your house anyway. Be prepared with frozen pizza, cookies, chips and soda.

5. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE LOTS OF EXTRA BLANKETS, SHEETS, AND PILLOWS. 

You never know when someone will fall asleep on the couch and decide to spend the night

6. PICK YOUR BATTLES!

You must think to yourself, "IS this REALLY what I want to fight about right now?" Is it really beneficial to argue over? "Do I want to save this argument for something bigger like participating in underage illegal activity?" Does it make sense to argue with a 17 year old about what time they need to be off the phone on a non school night?  If  your teen wants to live in a pigsty then let them... they made the mess so they can live in it and clean it up when they want - or until you can't stand it anymore. :) Unless they're leaving food out in their room then let them live in the mess they made.

We each have different house rules and we may not all agree with everything but it is my opinion that many teens are overly sheltered these days, not allowing them to learn from their mistakes. It takes communication and trust to navigate the teen years and honestly I screwed it up at first. It wasn't until the last year that we finally figured out a groove.


There will be hard days. And they will be REALLY hard days.


I've learned to breathe in God, and exhale the "negative energy." But by pausing and taking a deep breath... I can just say "Ok, well we can talk about this later." Usually by that time we would have cooled down enough to actually have a civil conversation. Which leads me to my 7th lesson...

7. DON'T FUEL THE FIRE!

Do NOT allow yourself to get sucked into their drama.  Simply just walk away. IF I do say something it is "We'll talk about this later!" Usually after you've both had a while to calm down everything is much better. Sometimes the teen will even apologize for their outburst (other times, NOT). And sometimes you'll even forget about what stupid thing you were fighting over. You give yourself a better shot at resolving the problem when you avoid participating in the dramatic outbursts.

I've also learned that I need to humble myself before them so that I can understand them a bit better. This doesn't always happen. Sometimes I screw it up big time and I DO fuel the fire - can you imagine doing this with a sibling?? It's so hard. 

God's word says:

Matthew 18:2-5The Message (MSG)

2-5 For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.

It says child here and while I don't consider teenagers children (although they can really act like it sometimes) I still think this verse holds true in regard to teenagers. They're not children. But they're not quite adults yet either. They're "adolescents."  Almost "young adults." While I have made many mistakes as a wife, mom, sister and/or guardian... I HAVE LEARNED something from each one of them. My brother and sister are awesome young people just trying to make it in this world and they have both taught me some important lessons. All praise goes to God our father. 

Even so - I still don't have it all figured out. Does anyone have a good #8 to add to my list?

Because Of Mom

So I’ve recently been posting and changing my profile pictures to pictures of people who have significantly impacted my life. First and foremost – GOD has saved me. I know my eternal fate will be with him. But God DOES use other people in our life and he promises to use it for good whatever the circumstances are if you LOVE him.

I’ve thought a lot over the last few days and will continue to think about the people, places, and things that have made a positive impact on my life.

Even my pets I've thought about and been thankful for each one.

The bottom line comes down to this:

Your parents.

Your parents gave you life – through God’s power or “chemistry” – whatever you wanna call it. 

It WAS your parents that gave you life. We can’t choose our parents and our parents can’t choose us.

God Reigns above all.

But I've been humbled to my knees when I think about “who saved Lindsey?” 

Well – Jesus did of course.

But what EARTHLY people have saved me?

WOW – I really struggled with that one. I have lots of good answers: MY HUSBAND. MY DAUGHTERS. MY CHURCH. CELEBRATE RECOVERY. MY BROTHER AND SISTER. BEST FRIENDS. Those are all great tools that God uses. But are any of those things constant?

If  heaven forbid my church closed its doors, shut down CR, best friend walks out on me, and my husband and girls die… what will I have left?

God.

And my parents.

I suck at doing relationships with my parents. I really do. So any encouragement would be much appreciated.

There’s also a fine line between honoring your parents and idolizing your parents.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to assume that your parents are living and that you have at least some sort of contact with them because that could be a whole other post in itself.

I find that for those of us that have had a tragic childhood – honoring your parents comes much harder. And those who have fortunately had a fairy tale childhood fall prey to idolizing their parents. 

God calls us to HONOR them, not IDOLIZE them.

So today, I take a moment to thank my dads. Yes – DADS. TWO of them. Both love me very much and both have screwed up in major ways in regard to my childhood. But God has used it for good because I can now minister to those who have been through something similar.

I also thank my mom – because she carried me and was knitted together in her womb. Without her, we wouldn’t have anything else and because of that... I know that I'm loved. 

I'd like to challenge you to post and/or change your profile pic to the earthly people of this world who have saved you or have make a positive impact on your life. Under God, and Jesus... who has saved you? There's no wrong answer and there's a limitless possibility.

#thankyougod #thankyoujesus #thankyoudad #becauseofmom

My Quiet Time - September 29, 2014

This is my first quiet time via the computer. I always believed that my quiet time should consist of a traditional paper and pen “journal.” 

I 've been so defeated because I have to have it “look” perfect. (I've always been gifted with good penmanship - even so much so that other kids would ask me to write their name on their paper in grade school)

Latelely my handwriting isn't very good - it's sloppy and all over the place because I'm trying to document EVERYTHING which is impossible.

God is telling me it doesn’t matter what the source is – all that matters is that I talk to Him and I listen. 

It helps me to grab my bible and a biblical resource like “JESUS CALLING” or another biblical devotional like “GOD’S PURPOSE FOR EVERY WOMAN." Maybe I'll grab my traditional Journal or maybe I will type it out on the computer. Who knows what I'll do tomorrow! 

I'm NOT GOD.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the many different sources that are available to me that I miss the “big picture.” 

Am I spending time with God? 

Or am I idolizing the details in HOW I talk to God?

I so very easily fall into that trap. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

God just wants ME. He wants ME to be the best that HE created ME to BE.

I am striving to use my gifts for good and not for bad – so as to not scare people. 

I am thankful for my friends that truly know me – and continue to reach out to me even though I’m a huge work in progress. (Bear with me)

God has gifted each us uniquely.

God’s word says 

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in your mother’s womb.”

How are you gifted uniquely? And how will you use that to reach other “people?”       
                                                            [INSERT PERSON, PLACE OR THING HERE ^]

(Notice I did not say “Christians” but that word could easily be inserted there. Obviously.)  Maybe a friend? Neighbor? Teacher?

I dunno.

All I know is What God is calling me to do with my life. I Pray his master plan will be revealed according to his perfect timing.

Oh – and I am catching up with a an old friend today at lunch that I’ve neglected to stay in contact with. 

Is there anyone you need to reconnect with?

Please don’t make the mistakes I did buy isolating all my true friends. 

True friends are there during a storm or in the midst of a fairytale. 

(I’ve also learned from my experience that we need to forgive friends for when they “peace out” on you unexpectedly. And that. My friends, is super hard.)

I’ve personally come to a place of full forgiveness in this area of my life. I took me over a year – but I did it. I wish I would have forgiven sooner. But I can’t focus on the past. I also can’t focus on the future.

I must focus on today and MAKE A PLAN.

So today I am going to the doctor and I’m taking my dog for a walk.

Lindsey Lincecum Cruz
... Sinner Saved By Grace of God



Written on September 29, 2014
9:20am

I’m Just ME – My First Blog Post

A couple years ago, I started blogging (all be it – for a VERY short time!) and wanted a way to express my inner most thoughts and feelings in the midst of this crazy world. I wanted a way to keep friends and loved ones updated on our family. I wanted a way to share ideas, and I wanted to share anything I have ever found helpful in my own life with other people. I also started a blog that followed our adoption journey which - will also have an update coming soon! Shortly after I started blogging, life smacked us right in the face with a tragic loss and needless to say, I wasn’t in a very happy season of my life any more. I no longer felt motivated to start and maintain a blog – so that Idea was out the window! There’s no way that I could have maintained a blog (and contributed anything USEFUL or encouraging) in the midst of a very dark season of my life. I wanted my blog to be encouraging, and if you blog when you’re depressed, you’re likely to just throw a big public pity party. (Which, I’m totally guilty of having done by the way : / )

YES – that’s right! I said DEPRESSED! Can you believe it?! And I’m actually a Christian and everything! ;)

I’m in a much better place in my life, and actually feel motivated to start blogging again. Lately I lay awake at night with my mind in overdrive. There are many times that God speaks so clearly to me that I literally get overwhelmed. I thought maybe by revisiting the blogging world, it would be allow me to document and put to paper the things He puts on my heart. I certainly don’t have everything figured out, but also feel that I’ve lived more life than the average 25 – urrrgh… 26 year old and would love to share my trials and triumphs with you. I’m still living and learning everyday and I welcome any feedback from anyone that’s willing to give it!

I've named my blog: The Cruz Life.

And the theme of my blog is: Worshiping God and Loving People.

Because at the end of the day… that’s all that matters. (More on this subject and why I chose that theme in a future post, so stay tuned ;)

There are only 2 rules I give myself in regards to my blog and they are this:

1.  Not everyone will agree with everything I have to say, and THAT’S OKAY. But I do promise to respect everyone’s right to an opinion and therefore expect the same in return. Honestly, I enjoy a good little debate now and then, so long as everyone is being respectful in the process.  I blog with an open mind, but I do expect myself to respect other people’s opinions.

2.  DON’T PUBLISH AN IMPULSIVE BLOG POST WHEN EMOTIONAL. < And that my friends, is a really hard rule for me!

I’m – by nature – a VERY emotional person. (As many of you know J) and boy can I rattle off some words when I’m emotional! This is why it is SO crucial for me to follow rule number 2. By following it, it will give me time to reflect and really ask God if what I want to post is appropriate or beneficial.

I’m emotional. I wear my emotions on my sleeve (no matter how hard I try not to). I talk really fast and talk with my hands. I can be very opinionated. I can have a temper (I’m working on it L) I’m an “all in” type of person. On most days I’m an optimistic “glass half full” type of gal. I’m PASSIONATE about a lot of things. I used to be a HUGE control freak (like BAD). I can be impatient. I USED to be very judgmental. I USED to be awkwardly quiet and would look pissed off all the time (yes – I used the word “pissed” because it’s the only accurate word to describe just how miserably unhappy I looked). I USED to be closed minded.

I USED to be A LOT of things but because of the blood of Christ I am made NEW!

I USED to be all those things because for OVER 20 YEARS I walked around with a backpack full of anger, shame, and guilt. I walked around believing that no one could possibly understand me because they don’t know the pain I've been through. Well… that was a lie straight from the pit of hell.

Until I walked in the doors to Celebrate Recovery, I truly believed that lie. It was there that I found healing. It was there that I found hope. It was there that I found people who actually loved and cared about the REAL ME despite all the yucky stuff from my past.

IT. CHANGED. MY. LIFE. FOREVER.

I’m finally at a point in my life that I don’t care if people talk about me, good or bad. I don’t care if people know my story. Actually, THE MORE THE BETTER!

Why? Because if my story can help encourage someone, and give them hope… then let them know! I am more than happy to talk to ANYONE about my story and offer a word of encouragement if someone is struggling with something similar. I will hug you, pray with you, and cry with you, because sometimes that’s ALL you need… for someone to just BE THERE. You don’t need someone to fix it, you just need them to be present and walk with you.

I am finally comfortable being 100% transparent with my past. If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I would blast my story all over the internet, I would have told you “you were crazy!” I seriously planned on taking my secrets with me to the GRAVE!

Now with that said, I am still human – obviously. And I will still make mistakes, but I’m blessed because I have a forgiving God and can wake up the next day and start over.

If you’re wondering why I went (and still do occasionally) to Celebrate Recovery well then, you’re just going to need to continue to follow my blog. J

God used Celebrate Recovery to save me from a miserably destructive life and for that

... I am forever grateful.

“Come now, let’s settle this, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.”

Isaiah 1:18

How I Was Called To Serve In Student Ministry

During the month of August I really began to question if our church was truly our home and where we were supposed to grow in the Lord. Naturally, in any church, you will find gossip, legalism, judgment, snootiness, etc. etc. etc.  You name it and my church probably has it. (I bet your church does too.) You will never find a perfect church, because Churches are filled with people and PEOPLE aren’t PERFECT. Not to mention that the building isn’t the church… the people are. 

I started to consider the idea of only attending an “organic” church. Yes - you heard me right, “organic.” Our neighbors have made a life of planting and growing organic churches in their community. Now, honestly I don’t know much about it yet, but from what I hear it sounds really AWESOME. You get to dive into the word AND you’re in fellowship with other believers! Minus all the yucky stuff that often comes along with going to a big traditional church. WIN-WIN! 

Even so – I still had questions. What about worshiping together? What about tithing? What about Baptism? I have a sea of questions and while some of my questions have been answered, there are still things I’d like to find out. I hope to learn even more about Organic church in the coming weeks. 

Even though I battled with being conflicted on where I “went to church,” God was still telling me that I should get involved with the youth. At first I wasn’t sure what that looked like. 

“HOW should I get involved?” I asked. 

I reached out to our Youth Pastor and expressed my interest in checking things out – get my feet wet – so to speak. He was excited and pumped that I showed an interest. He sent me a packet of information with an application. 

He specifically said in his email,

“Did we talk about you being a small group leader? Because I think you’d be really great at it!”  

I  had already been thinking in my mind that that was probably the best route for me for 2 reasons:

1. Being a small group leader requires a Sunday morning commitment, but not necessarily a Wednesday night commitment, though I hope that at some point I can make an appearance there as well. During this season of my life with very young children, for us, it’s not practical for me to expect us to be there every Wednesday night.
2. Being a small group leader allows me to dive deeper with the girls and build that bond and relationship with them.

After the Youth Pastor verbalized how he felt that I would be great in that role – I knew that was probably the route to take, so I submitted my application and testimony. Last Sunday I decided to follow up with the student small group coordinator in regards to my application.

 She confirmed she received it and we decided that it would be a good idea to visit a small group that needed a co-leader… 

8^th grade girls. 13 YEAR OLDS!   

“Um, no thanks God! That is NOT what I had in mind!” 

I wanted the older, more mature ones.

I kept telling myself...

 “Just go visit and see what it’s like and then next week I can go visit high school and join one of their small groups.” 

 I sat in on 8^th grade girls and to be honest… it was absolutely NUTS. It took 30 minutes to actually get them focused in on STARTING our group discussion. It was utter chaos.

 I went in with no intention on saying a word other than introducing myself and asking them to introduce themselves. Towards the end of our discussion, I felt led to contribute to the discussion (even though I planned not to) What happened next was shocking. Some of them actually started talking and contributing. One girl even zeroed in on my eyes as I was sharing what the Lord put on my heart and she appeared mesmerized. 

Leaving group that morning I was certain that’s the group I’m supposed to be in and  that I’m in it for the long haul.

This position requires that I reach out to the girls on a regular basis. Through the time I spend with them, I hope to become a mentor and a source of encouragement in their lives. I want to be a small group leader because I want to let them know it’s okay if they mess up –  that they CAN tell me that! In a perfect world teens should feel comfortable going to their parents when they’ve made a mistake – but let’s face it… that’s not always the case. And if they can’t go to their parents with that they need to go somewhere.

 I want to be that person.

 I’ve experienced so much forgiveness and grace in my life that I so desperately want to share that with others and this is the perfect opportunity to do that. 

If a girl tells me “I think I screwed up.” I can’t wait to say...

“It’s okay! I love you anyway! And more importantly JESUS loves you anyway! And we can get through this!”

I can’t wait for the moments that allow me to pray over them in this way.

I thought it would be a good idea to connect with my co-leader about how she felt about my visit and what she thought about me possibly joining her. I of course wanted to make sure that she felt it would be a good fit for the group. What she said brought a huge smile to my face...

“I am really excited about this!! I started praying for help with the group, whatever that might look like. It is awesome to physically see in front of me an answer to prayer, and because of that I know that this will work perfectly!”

After getting together with her and chatting, we received even MORE confirmation that this is a perfect fit. We are close in age but in totally different seasons of life and I feel that we will both benefit from co-leading together, not to mention the girls benefiting from us being a team.

Unless God clearly directs us down a different path, both my co-leader and I plan on being with these girls through high school graduation.

And there you have it folks - God said…

“Learn about this whole Organic church thing and even start attending sometimes, but don’t leave YOUR church.”

I’m humbled and so excited to see what God has planned over these next 5 years. 

Tomorrow starts my 5 year journey with these girls and I'm bringing cake balls for breakfast... hope that makes a good first impression as their new leader. :)

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

2 Timothy 2:15