7 Lessons I've Learned Living With Teenagers

When I was 22, (my husband 31), we took in my younger brother and sister into our home. While alot of people thought we were crazy - which, we WERE to be honest.



We had NO IDEA what we were doing!

My brother was 14 and sister was 16 at the time they came to live with us.

I'm not gonna lie.. the first year and a half were really rough. Everything was new and we couldn't find that "healthy balance" between "I'm your sister" or "I'm your guardian." It was hell honestly.

I was put in a situation where I could not truly be an older sister/friend to them. Instead I had to worry about them as if they were my own kids. They're NOT my kids but sometimes it sure does feel like it.

As a young child I was responsible for caring for their everyday needs which sometimes included cooking dinner, bathing them, and even staying home from school to take care of them when they were sick.

I tell you this not to pity me because honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a wonderful sisterly/friendly relationship with both my brother and sister now that they do no live with me anymore. I miss them and it's a big adjustment for our family - and we couldn't have done it without my husband who is the kindest most patient man I have ever met. I'm so thankful to have him as my best friend.

Living with teenagers is HARD.

It is no walk in the park... lemme tell ya.

Here are a few things I learned the hard way:

1. INVEST IN PAPER PLATES, CUPS, UTENSILS, etc.

Or you're going to be doing dishes forever.

2. HAVE YOUR TEEN DO THEIR OWN LAUNDRY.

If you don't - you'll be living in a pile of dirty socks, sweaty hockey shorts, etc. They should wash their own stanky clothes. :) However - as a loving gesture I would TRY to do some of it for them - only when I had time so as they wouldn't expect me to do it for them. 

3. STOCK UP ON FOOD.

Yes - that means buying a bunch of  healthy food AND junk food. They're growing like weeds so make sure that you have plenty of food at all times or they will whine "I'M HUNNNGGRYY" while cooking, and as a wife and mom that REALLY pushes my buttons.

4. BE THE FUN HOUSE!

This is so important! If you want to know who your kids friends are and who they're hanging aroung with, than make sure your home is comfortable and fun for them to be in. There's a healthy balance to this though - because it doesn't mean it's a free for all ... there has to be respect of whatever your house rules are but let them have fun, have the big tv, whatever it is that makes their friends comforable in your home - do it. You have to be the fun house if you want to know what is going on with your teen. This doesn't always help but certainly puts you in the right direction. AND if you are stocked up on food then their friends will naturally gravitate to your house anyway. Be prepared with frozen pizza, cookies, chips and soda.

5. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE LOTS OF EXTRA BLANKETS, SHEETS, AND PILLOWS. 

You never know when someone will fall asleep on the couch and decide to spend the night

6. PICK YOUR BATTLES!

You must think to yourself, "IS this REALLY what I want to fight about right now?" Is it really beneficial to argue over? "Do I want to save this argument for something bigger like participating in underage illegal activity?" Does it make sense to argue with a 17 year old about what time they need to be off the phone on a non school night?  If  your teen wants to live in a pigsty then let them... they made the mess so they can live in it and clean it up when they want - or until you can't stand it anymore. :) Unless they're leaving food out in their room then let them live in the mess they made.

We each have different house rules and we may not all agree with everything but it is my opinion that many teens are overly sheltered these days, not allowing them to learn from their mistakes. It takes communication and trust to navigate the teen years and honestly I screwed it up at first. It wasn't until the last year that we finally figured out a groove.


There will be hard days. And they will be REALLY hard days.


I've learned to breathe in God, and exhale the "negative energy." But by pausing and taking a deep breath... I can just say "Ok, well we can talk about this later." Usually by that time we would have cooled down enough to actually have a civil conversation. Which leads me to my 7th lesson...

7. DON'T FUEL THE FIRE!

Do NOT allow yourself to get sucked into their drama.  Simply just walk away. IF I do say something it is "We'll talk about this later!" Usually after you've both had a while to calm down everything is much better. Sometimes the teen will even apologize for their outburst (other times, NOT). And sometimes you'll even forget about what stupid thing you were fighting over. You give yourself a better shot at resolving the problem when you avoid participating in the dramatic outbursts.

I've also learned that I need to humble myself before them so that I can understand them a bit better. This doesn't always happen. Sometimes I screw it up big time and I DO fuel the fire - can you imagine doing this with a sibling?? It's so hard. 

God's word says:

Matthew 18:2-5The Message (MSG)

2-5 For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.

It says child here and while I don't consider teenagers children (although they can really act like it sometimes) I still think this verse holds true in regard to teenagers. They're not children. But they're not quite adults yet either. They're "adolescents."  Almost "young adults." While I have made many mistakes as a wife, mom, sister and/or guardian... I HAVE LEARNED something from each one of them. My brother and sister are awesome young people just trying to make it in this world and they have both taught me some important lessons. All praise goes to God our father. 

Even so - I still don't have it all figured out. Does anyone have a good #8 to add to my list?

Because Of Mom

So I’ve recently been posting and changing my profile pictures to pictures of people who have significantly impacted my life. First and foremost – GOD has saved me. I know my eternal fate will be with him. But God DOES use other people in our life and he promises to use it for good whatever the circumstances are if you LOVE him.

I’ve thought a lot over the last few days and will continue to think about the people, places, and things that have made a positive impact on my life.

Even my pets I've thought about and been thankful for each one.

The bottom line comes down to this:

Your parents.

Your parents gave you life – through God’s power or “chemistry” – whatever you wanna call it. 

It WAS your parents that gave you life. We can’t choose our parents and our parents can’t choose us.

God Reigns above all.

But I've been humbled to my knees when I think about “who saved Lindsey?” 

Well – Jesus did of course.

But what EARTHLY people have saved me?

WOW – I really struggled with that one. I have lots of good answers: MY HUSBAND. MY DAUGHTERS. MY CHURCH. CELEBRATE RECOVERY. MY BROTHER AND SISTER. BEST FRIENDS. Those are all great tools that God uses. But are any of those things constant?

If  heaven forbid my church closed its doors, shut down CR, best friend walks out on me, and my husband and girls die… what will I have left?

God.

And my parents.

I suck at doing relationships with my parents. I really do. So any encouragement would be much appreciated.

There’s also a fine line between honoring your parents and idolizing your parents.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to assume that your parents are living and that you have at least some sort of contact with them because that could be a whole other post in itself.

I find that for those of us that have had a tragic childhood – honoring your parents comes much harder. And those who have fortunately had a fairy tale childhood fall prey to idolizing their parents. 

God calls us to HONOR them, not IDOLIZE them.

So today, I take a moment to thank my dads. Yes – DADS. TWO of them. Both love me very much and both have screwed up in major ways in regard to my childhood. But God has used it for good because I can now minister to those who have been through something similar.

I also thank my mom – because she carried me and was knitted together in her womb. Without her, we wouldn’t have anything else and because of that... I know that I'm loved. 

I'd like to challenge you to post and/or change your profile pic to the earthly people of this world who have saved you or have make a positive impact on your life. Under God, and Jesus... who has saved you? There's no wrong answer and there's a limitless possibility.

#thankyougod #thankyoujesus #thankyoudad #becauseofmom