I’m Just ME – My First Blog Post

A couple years ago, I started blogging (all be it – for a VERY short time!) and wanted a way to express my inner most thoughts and feelings in the midst of this crazy world. I wanted a way to keep friends and loved ones updated on our family. I wanted a way to share ideas, and I wanted to share anything I have ever found helpful in my own life with other people. I also started a blog that followed our adoption journey which - will also have an update coming soon! Shortly after I started blogging, life smacked us right in the face with a tragic loss and needless to say, I wasn’t in a very happy season of my life any more. I no longer felt motivated to start and maintain a blog – so that Idea was out the window! There’s no way that I could have maintained a blog (and contributed anything USEFUL or encouraging) in the midst of a very dark season of my life. I wanted my blog to be encouraging, and if you blog when you’re depressed, you’re likely to just throw a big public pity party. (Which, I’m totally guilty of having done by the way : / )

YES – that’s right! I said DEPRESSED! Can you believe it?! And I’m actually a Christian and everything! ;)

I’m in a much better place in my life, and actually feel motivated to start blogging again. Lately I lay awake at night with my mind in overdrive. There are many times that God speaks so clearly to me that I literally get overwhelmed. I thought maybe by revisiting the blogging world, it would be allow me to document and put to paper the things He puts on my heart. I certainly don’t have everything figured out, but also feel that I’ve lived more life than the average 25 – urrrgh… 26 year old and would love to share my trials and triumphs with you. I’m still living and learning everyday and I welcome any feedback from anyone that’s willing to give it!

I've named my blog: The Cruz Life.

And the theme of my blog is: Worshiping God and Loving People.

Because at the end of the day… that’s all that matters. (More on this subject and why I chose that theme in a future post, so stay tuned ;)

There are only 2 rules I give myself in regards to my blog and they are this:

1.  Not everyone will agree with everything I have to say, and THAT’S OKAY. But I do promise to respect everyone’s right to an opinion and therefore expect the same in return. Honestly, I enjoy a good little debate now and then, so long as everyone is being respectful in the process.  I blog with an open mind, but I do expect myself to respect other people’s opinions.

2.  DON’T PUBLISH AN IMPULSIVE BLOG POST WHEN EMOTIONAL. < And that my friends, is a really hard rule for me!

I’m – by nature – a VERY emotional person. (As many of you know J) and boy can I rattle off some words when I’m emotional! This is why it is SO crucial for me to follow rule number 2. By following it, it will give me time to reflect and really ask God if what I want to post is appropriate or beneficial.

I’m emotional. I wear my emotions on my sleeve (no matter how hard I try not to). I talk really fast and talk with my hands. I can be very opinionated. I can have a temper (I’m working on it L) I’m an “all in” type of person. On most days I’m an optimistic “glass half full” type of gal. I’m PASSIONATE about a lot of things. I used to be a HUGE control freak (like BAD). I can be impatient. I USED to be very judgmental. I USED to be awkwardly quiet and would look pissed off all the time (yes – I used the word “pissed” because it’s the only accurate word to describe just how miserably unhappy I looked). I USED to be closed minded.

I USED to be A LOT of things but because of the blood of Christ I am made NEW!

I USED to be all those things because for OVER 20 YEARS I walked around with a backpack full of anger, shame, and guilt. I walked around believing that no one could possibly understand me because they don’t know the pain I've been through. Well… that was a lie straight from the pit of hell.

Until I walked in the doors to Celebrate Recovery, I truly believed that lie. It was there that I found healing. It was there that I found hope. It was there that I found people who actually loved and cared about the REAL ME despite all the yucky stuff from my past.

IT. CHANGED. MY. LIFE. FOREVER.

I’m finally at a point in my life that I don’t care if people talk about me, good or bad. I don’t care if people know my story. Actually, THE MORE THE BETTER!

Why? Because if my story can help encourage someone, and give them hope… then let them know! I am more than happy to talk to ANYONE about my story and offer a word of encouragement if someone is struggling with something similar. I will hug you, pray with you, and cry with you, because sometimes that’s ALL you need… for someone to just BE THERE. You don’t need someone to fix it, you just need them to be present and walk with you.

I am finally comfortable being 100% transparent with my past. If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I would blast my story all over the internet, I would have told you “you were crazy!” I seriously planned on taking my secrets with me to the GRAVE!

Now with that said, I am still human – obviously. And I will still make mistakes, but I’m blessed because I have a forgiving God and can wake up the next day and start over.

If you’re wondering why I went (and still do occasionally) to Celebrate Recovery well then, you’re just going to need to continue to follow my blog. J

God used Celebrate Recovery to save me from a miserably destructive life and for that

... I am forever grateful.

“Come now, let’s settle this, says the LORD. Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.”

Isaiah 1:18